Function of Behaviors
Often we judge ourselves harshly for certain behaviors, failing to notice that these behaviors might serve the function of protecting us or have been used as a source to bring out feelings of comfort. When examining with curiosity and compassion we can begin to note certain themes or patterns of these behaviors. Certain themes related to our behavioral responses can be illustrated as or centered around areas of avoidance, self-criticism, or addictive tendencies. Importantly, these behaviors have roots in our past experiences. At one point in time the behaviors might have served as adaptive strategies to protect us or soothe us.
Some functions of our behavior are rooted in 1. Survival Strategies; 2. Emotional Coping Mechanisms; 3. Defense Mechanisms.
- Survival strategies: There might have been behaviors we engaged in that at one time served to protect us from physical or emotional harm. For example, someone may have an excessive need for control as a response to unpredictability in one’s environment.
- Emotional Coping Mechanisms: Our behaviors may also serve as coping mechanisms to regulate intensifying emotions. For instance, someone may develop the behavior of emotional eating initially as a way to provide comfort during times of distress or loneliness.
- Defense Mechanisms: Often we develop defensive mechanisms, such as denial or repression, as a shield from painful memories or emotions. Defense mechanisms used over a period of time or in the long term are potentially maladaptive, but might have at one time served as an essential shield during challenging periods.
Instead of judging yourself for the behaviors or your responses to things, begin to identify the function or purpose your behavior is serving.
Molly K Stremba, LCSW
Ways to Change Patterns of Behavior to Create New Pathways
When you are confronted with options of the familiar and unfamiliar, the brain may interpret the familiar option even if unhelpful as less daunting. Often we perceive paths that are familiar with a sense of comfort. This perception is the most evident or observed in situations where ‘discomfort or uncertainty’ makes an appearance.
I hear from my clients that change is met with discomfort even if it could lead to more effective outcomes. Change, even when it promises improvement (mood, relationships, behaviors, and so on), it is also accompanied by or joined with discomfort: anxiety and stress. The brain confuses the familiar as comfortable even when it is potentially extremely harmful due to an element of certainty with knowing what to expect.
Even though this is known to be a survival mechanism it may result in detrimental effects to our mental, emotional, and physical health.
Our brains are programmed to search for familiarity, perceived control, and certainty, even if it is to our own detriment. For example, some people may stay in situations that are unhealthy due to the discomfort in the unknown.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards moving away from the comfort trap. There are numerous strategies for learning to increase your comfort with the unfamiliar healthier choices and work towards choosing more effective options and opportunities. We have to begin to rewire or choose alternative pathways in the brain better known as rewire our neuropathways.
I have often heard that people think the only way to change the neuropathways is to learn to get comfortable with the unfamiliar and to work outside of their comfort zone. That belief in some respects is true. We have to learn more about our limits, our triggers, our warning signs, and our vulnerability factors. In therapy this is referred to as ‘ your window of tolerance’. Just like with working out you want to do this gradually. By lifting more than you are ready for at the gym you may prolong your progress or injure yourself thus resulting in some giving up, not feeling capable or experiencing self doubt, or needing extensive time off. Often it is helpful to have the support of a professional when learning the steps to building your window of tolerance and comfort with the unfamiliar. Instead of going head first into learning to tolerate the unfamiliar you may want to gradually allow yourselves to find the middle ground and learn your limits. It reduces burnout, extreme overwhelm and/or an emotional hangover. Also, in the beginning of your journey, it may look like working on being okay with being okay even before learning to be okay with being happy. An additional way to change the pathways in your brain is to laugh, have moments of happiness, be around people who make you feel safe and supported, and so on.
Through consciously challenging our assumptions, gradually embracing change, and practicing other strategies, we can rewire our neuropathways and create healthier habits.
Contact me today to add additional skills to your toolkit.
Molly K Stremba, LCSW